awful gap

This gap hurt like fuck you know?

I really love every piece of memory painted by you. beautiful.

Do you know how it feels like? You don't.
Because you've found your new happiness.

Very little you know that the picture was too harsh for my eyes to bear. Too much to bear.

At the same time, it makes me wonder how can words be so fucking cheap.

Oh wells, as long as you're happy. Fly freedom. FLY

beautiful stranger

:)

On my way to a place that will definitely make me feel better, and that I actually drove at the speed of 130km/h...... tapping my finger on the steering wheel feeling nothing but absolutely relieved. At this particular moment, my brain and heart connects quite well together.

Very little you know that you actually make me stronger. With all kinds of rollercoaster rides I experienced. True enough, you've shaped me into a stronger person.

I will not promise you that I'll be there for you always. Nobody knows what the future holds. These five words meant so much more to me than just saying for the sake of it. Words can't prove it but time definitely will. I did all I could. When I look back, I have no regrets.

Nobody wants to cage a lovely bird. So why not let it fly.

If I could give you just one gift for the rest of your life. The gift would be.

Happiness :)

Finally. I will mark an end for this beautiful place of mine.

sitting.waiting.wishing

Today, i woke up realising that my mind is recapitulating a blissful and irrelevent tune....

She loves you! yeah, yeah, yeah
She loves you! yeah, yeah, yeah
With a love like that
You know you should be gladdddd

Ahhhh, figuring a way to frame up my phonograph record i bought. The Beatlesss =)

She loves you! yeah yeah yeah!
You know that can't be baddddd

Actually, simplicity is certainly very much sweeter than excitement. Oh well, i think its just me. Pardon my life being simple or mundane even.

Particularly at this very moment. 1234 I wished I could catch a glimps of your smile before anything else. really. This is ridiculous, I found myself mince-ing my pea brain mentally, this is so tiring. Maybe i should learn to trust the red organ. seriously.

eat airrrrrrrrrrr. dot.

Let it be

At what price do I have to pay if courage gave me a cruel push to cross over the line? and realized that they are not meant to be cross over. Wait a minute, are you under-estimating my chicken legs? If you think they are like some weak chicken shit and kinda useless? You're so very wrong because I am pretty sure that my legs will stand firm. I reckon. No matter how cruelly you push, I'm not moving.

Actually, I would really like to erase the line and pretend that the matter doesn't exist. Auto filterrrrr. Shove offfff. Eat airrrrrrrrr. Then again, I guess the line is there for a reason. For it tells you about the asymmetry of a dream and reality.

The light hasn't turn green for me to cross over the ambiguous line. So for now, either I put up my white flag, be a cow loser, head back without making any effort to wait. Or wander around the junction and wait patiently for the red light man to turn green. Take a deep breath and cross over. Oh that will be quite unusual i think. Erm ohkay.

Speaking words of wisdom, let it be. I wouldn't deny that silence is my escape. Everything little thing is so vague. Do you know my capability of paying the price is very weak? Because there's a shadow hanging over there? see it? no?

But why bother? Just go for it. No no. no such thing. Cannot do this.

Cigarettes

"You love the wrong woman. am i right? ''

And so it is. The stick is burning.

Go to sleep.
We're so tired now.

lightning crashes

Oh I feel it comin back again

Like a rollin' thunder chasing the wind

Forces pullin' from the center of the earth again

I can feel it; I can feel it

A beautiful place

At least to me, deep down inside i know you guys are forever strong.

Always forever.


row heart ladies.

all the best!

Emotionally breakdown

FUCK REALITY

FUCK THIS

I am very upset. deeply upset.

I don't think i can handle this myself. Seriously doubt so.

The Bird and The Bee

Are you prepared?

Shut down
Shut down
Shut down

To You Sweetheart

Breatheeee.


Staring at the almost empty highway, the whole motion of waiting for the motherfucker bus was so void. The 25 minutes feels like one of the longest period I'd ever waited.

The noise disrupted my chain of thoughts. Whatever it is, I've done all i could. Fuck, i really dislike what i'm doing now because i see this is not going anywhere better. Oh well, I always believe that all good things must come to an end.


Everything will be alright. Eventually.
I will remember your hair smell. Definitely maybe.

Please stay alittle longer

It was great to let the unforgivable sun to kiss my skin again. Feels like heaven. I fell asleep unknowingly and then a beautiful jet stream appeared when i open my eyes. Awesome. I love jet stream. They look soooo prettyyy, don't you think so?

So what if nothing last forever. I will make it stay a little longer. As long as possible, hold you till i die.

familiar strangers

The thought of you guys leaving is certainly very disheartening. And i realised, this macau race is going to be my last race with you people. ohhh i feel sooooo void againnn. Fuck.

As some say : nothing lasts forever. All good things must come to an end, so i guess i have to make do with that blardy fact.

pleaseeee don't leave me nowwww

i'm a loser

My courage ran away from me, again and again. To the extent that i gave up finding back my courage. i really hate this. really really hate this. Fuck it.

Theres a place where your heart belong. a better place i guess.

The folk's reply

While i'm having lunch with my dearest mummy, i realized, before i could hope to do anything to freeze time, she has aged quite abit already. She replied : "岁月不留人"

Time. It's just one stubborn fact that refuses to slow down. And with that, i learned to cherish all of you in time :)

ohhhh, my stomachhhh :/

please. don't. breakdown.

Dear body

please don't break down now. i need you more than anything else.

As for you, what matters the most right now is your well-being and happiness. please don't let it die again. please don't. Because to pick yourself up from the rock bottom is certainly not pleasant to see. really.

You know what? I can smell something negative is going to happen soon. yeah soon. Let me recalllll, oh! i felt the same a couple months ago? We shall see how bad it goes again. yeah again. Blame it on my sensitive nose. That's why i say (this is soooooooooo wilson. DOT);

I don't want to try againnn. i wondered why. Because there's only so much I can take.

void

My heart feels alittle more painful than usual. The motion of waiting on shore, looking out for my team is really horrible. I feel terrible. The pinch is painful. Its like so fucking void inside. As usual, an occasional thought will slip into this void heart or mind unknowingly. Come on, people's minds can't be complete empty i guess? The waiting is horrible, so i thought by looking at the sky will make me feel a wee bit better. i wait. and wait. and keep waitinggggg. and they are finally here. My heart feels even more painful than it was. Their shaggy espressions really make me feel like an asshole. why am i not there training hard with them? fuck this. i hate this. why didn't i clarify the training time with them? why? painnnn =(

Throughout the 4 years of rowing, Dragonboat taught me many simple theories. One of them is something to do with mistakes. Never ever rush your pace. Take one step at a time. Remember, make sure you make the least mistake along the way. We can't undo our mistakes. Mistakes might just end our efforts and everything that we nurtured during the fucking process.

To add on, she don't worth your time. Sometimes i feel.. instead of bitching about her, why not you guys make use of the time to bond or fine tune the current assets (loyal rowers) you have right now. They need your attention more.. She don't worth your time to even bitch about seriously. No matter how much i dislike her, how much she's getting on my nerves. (she's scared of me anyway). i choose to eject her from my brain. She don't worth my time to be even pissed about. They sayyy... "Ignorance is bliss" she's just like a big fat poo poo on the floor. Just ignore.

Fine, with that aside.I'm often asked what i think about as i run alone. Why do i prefer running alone? Seriously, i dont have any clue. Ehhh maybe i just want to maintain my own slient, private time, stay focus and work on my mental. When i'm running alone, i don't have to talk to anybody and don't have to listen to anybody. All i did is gaze the beautiful yet boring scenery passing by. You get the idea? Usually i will think about stuff that are not worth mention. Its pretty stupid and senseless stuff. You wouldn't want to know i guess? Shld i run fast or slow? You see.. The faster i run, the shorter distance i cover. The slower i run, the longer distance i can cover. Oh well, most of the time i like to take slow. you know... slow and steady... breath in and outttt. Nice. I like.

The Prawn never fail to make me smile. Oh you stupid prawn! I am going to feed you like a pig over at aussieeee.

little brain

Along the usual route i run, something odd asked me to recall whatever had happened between us. From that i realized, human brain is actually an amazing memory sofbox. Apart from losing our memories due to some huge concussion or whatever, our little brain is filled with years of memories. So incredible. aren't they?

So what if you throw everything visible away. Be it good or bad ones. You know you can't escape the fact that it will still stay in your mind. forever and ever. I believe that is why people are stuck at one particular stage of life.

You see? Appreciate the present instead of staying stuck in a agonizing past. So what if something is broken, do you know it can become stronger than it was in the first place?

Yes, I am very sure it will and I know you can.

six fingers

hey jupiter

I stood in my shower room for a brief moment. And then i thought....do you see? Sometimes lonely comes with freedom? I strongly believe so.

I thought i could handle my pain or rather my mental well. Unfortunately, i didn't. You see? so disappointing =(

The water splatter onto my face as i look into the mirror. Sadly to say, my eyes couldn't hold the tears anymore. Like what vivien said. i'm sucha pussy.

i fucking hate my performance status now. But still, i will push every bit of my heart and soul. Till the end of the journey. no matter what.

If i have a choice to eject something in my life. The thing probably going to be.. there you are.

you. this fucking stick.

which way?

Didn't you see me,

didn't you hear me

Didn't you see me standing there

please.

I couldn't figure out what kind of emotion i should have.

Trying very hard to recall what i dreamt about last night. But still, i couldn't recall part of it.

que sera sera

I woke up and realized something that has been bothering me.



Telling myself "I don't want to try again."

serendipity

Today, i feel extremely awful. The poor little burd brain attempted to reject very reluctantly.

Unruffled air within my room. It's a kind of peace that is exceptionally pure & simple. In a state of tranquility, staring at the ceiling for no reason.....oh~ home feels like heaven. I feel secure and calm. Everything else is of no bother anymore.

For this, I saw the bright side of myself today. The glow that has been doom for many months. I can't possibly rewind my life tho. but i know what lies ahead is more important than mulling stupidly about the past. Very certainly, things are going to change. My brain is trying to paint a picture. A picture of me accompanied with the people i love, i care, i cherish. Of course, together with their delicate smiles. That will be the most exquisite picture in the world. and it is price-less. Can you taste the beauty in it?

oh goodgrief, by hook or by crook, I am going to hit the bull's-eye.

Can you hear me? I say quit.

bee gees

Don't ask me why, but time has passed us by,

some one else moved in from far away.

I couldn't see the line there anymore.

M.A.X.I.M.U.M

I WANT TO BREAKFWEEEEEEEEE ~
I WANT TO BREAKFWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ~

fuck this.

I AM GOING TO ENJOY THIS SUMMER HOLIDAY TO THE MAXIMUM.
I don't care how deeply i was hurt for the past few months.
I don't care how tired i am from all the trainings.
I don't care how i am gonna survive for my winter backpacking trips.
I don't care.

NOTHING GONNA STOP ME NOWWWWWWWW

I had accumulated alll my cowed courage and throw eveything behind.
And paint a well-deserved smile on my face.

E.N.J.O.Y

This was her wise reply:

Que sera sera

Whatever will be, will be

The future's not ours to see

Que sera sera

What will be, will be

simple

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

no need to argue.

There's no need to argue.
no need to argue anymore.

i gave all i could.

i knew i knew i'd lose you
You'll always be special to me.

shut up and let me go.

HAHA

sleepppyy buurrddddd

big body small wings.

single eyeebrown

droooopppyy eyessss.

row heart

你快乐所以我快乐

Don't dream, It's Over

And now i'm going to pack my things and go.

i need to find some peace somewhere.

yes. there.

nutbay.

i cannot do this

As fast as i could, i will very quickly pull myself away, while it is still superficially easy for me to do so. So many times, I want to convince myself not to take this matter too fervently, tried not to express myself too much because the likelihood of getting hurt is huge. For this, i will not allow myself to sink. You see. i have to make do with this.

BUT WHY?

I don't think i can handle my emotions if i am not selected for the macau race. Seriously. i cannot handle. i hate this. Because i know the world is not FAIR. Favouritism? Coach pet? Suck my ass? Flatter flatter?

oh please. FUCK OFF.

shall see the result on saturday =S

Don't go away

With you around.

My heart feels safe and calm.

ROW.SLEEP.STUDY

Time 4:15am.

The most wishy-washy motion you can ever enjoy. My own routine.

I looked at my shoe's sole. Its the beautiful blue stain that i miss the most. No other stain can replace my love for the blue stain. not even kallang red stain.

I ran in pain today, together with phin. She's my running motivator!

But the motion of chasing her, looking at her back was fucking horrible. seriously awfulll. Deep down inside, i feel like chooping off my legs. Because i know..... i can do better than that!

=(

cowed

holy shit. apart from your long silky hair.

you really resemble someone I....................

jagged lines

Not againnnn. From the best vision that i could see, nothing is clear at the moment. Ahhhh something like a jigsaw puzzle? A destroyed 1000 pieces puzzle. Some soft hollow voice whispered to my burd brain and told me to fix it. No matter how bad it will be.

Oh boy. this must be some sort of ''lack of sleep'' illusion. i can't believe it actually. So what if it's a broken part, replace it! But oh good grieve, the thought of fixing the broken part is really a chore for me, I feel god damn tiny and soft. useless and empty. who cares actually.

If anybody ever gonna ask me now.

Yes. I am afraid. Still.

Seriously, i got zero idea how to fix these thoughts. I can't sort it out properly.


ROW, SLEEP, STUDY. Ironically, this is the world most mundane motion you can ever enjoy. at least to me. i had the best time of my life with the batch that, deep down inside i cherish the most. oh wells, i don't usually say such stuff to anybody. and who give a god damn fuck about how i feel. The motion that i'm following through, i am not very sure i am enjoying it or maybe for the sake of it.

i tried my very very best to see it through. And than i realized, nothing will stay fooever. you know. its like shooting stars? Oh freeaaakkk, i stepped into this hectic and messy world for 21 years. i still do hope that one day, a shooting star will stay.

How many special people change? Go your own way.

And i believe, one day you will pick yourself up. face it. brace it.

Nobody say it was easy. pain. isn't that how we grow as a better person?

_|_

you know? i could have spend time with my family instead of training?

waste of time. utterly disappointed.

you suck.

Inked

It's something unpredictable

but in the end it's right.

I hope you had the time of your life.

row heart.

Dear you

Sometimes your direction-less or rather objective-less programme really turn me off. What is the point of having EVERYDAY 530am rowing here? Everybody made the effort to wake up at doomy morning time. and yet we end it with an empty heart? I am truly deeply upset.


How do you expect us to respect you when you don't even fucking bother to respect us? Afterall, you're still a stubborn ass. and of course, we are the cashiers lao char bos. get it? no? fine.

i recalled i said something like quitting after the macau race? oh seriously, i still do have the thought. But the picture of myself getting fat to 60kg is so fucking clear. i'm scared. lol. But still, i need a break. i need a break from eveything that i can breakfree.

Just when i feel alot more closer to the cashiers lao cha bos, almost everybody have the intention to leave the team. how sad it can be. seriously =(

To see the motion of people walking away or walk out on you. It truly break one's heart.

because you're my heart-breaker.

simplicity

Its been long since i last join my family for dinner. Then i realized, nothing can replace my dear family.NOTHING. Home is the only place i can hide my timid heart. Home is the only place that gives my hopes. Home will always keep me warm.

My day wasn't good today =( and i didn't regret i make the decision to go home. The feeling of staying home make my day better. You know? tuck yourself in a undersized blanket, having your toes still sticking out. WHOO~

Even if its just a simple dinner with the usual childhood tease jokes. It just feels damn blardy good. Its such a pity if we don't spend our beautiful sunday with our dearest isnt it? They make my day seems not so bitter anymore.

Sometimes, clean and simple with mild excitement in your life is great. oh wells, i think its just me i guess?

Simplicity. The word of the day.

but still, I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE'S FASTER THAN ME.

fuck.

uncomfortably slow

Because maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all

You're my wonderwall

out of reach

7 hopes

no where within my reach

doom

somewhere in the middle

Tripping hard falling down onto the ground

'Cause I can't stand up and I can't fall down

'Cause I'm somewhere in the middle of this

exit

A stubborn ass like you should just exit.

Seriously. You're annoying me.

As far as i am concern, you should learn it with an open heart. And stop being a stubborn ass who follows only your own sickening thoery.

Right now, i saw many SHEEPS jumping over my table.

I am so fucking sleepy and tired.

一期一会.

Once in a lifetime.

Like i told my friend, everything happens for a reason. Honestly, sometimes i wonder, why do we even meet in the first place?

FYI, its actually some japanese language. The fact that some encounter never repeats in a life time, we should try to make the encounter important. Be grateful of what we have now rather than expecting more. Cherish every single moment like there is no tomorrow. sound easy eh? But i guess, humans are greedy. they want more. more and more.

Then if anybody hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart, we should forgive them. For they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart. and great. Thats when i've realized, our brain makes a more logical decision rather than our heart.

At times, things ain't bad but things ain't right. Many times we tried to reflect on what we had done to others. Then you realised, its painful. So how? trying to undo? fat hope.

Then i thought,

we might as well be strangers.

secret

Hey, is that what you want?

Yes yes, i think i shld just hold hold hold. Just keep on holding.


But nooooooooooooooooooo

Thats not what i want? but how?

once bitten. remember?

Just keep it. don't let it out.

=(

burd brain

The moment i stepped into my room, i feel god damn blardy restless. My hands are shivering now. god knows why. And then i thought, oh? its sunday!

I really hope time could freeze. The clock on my table keeps ticking, so does my heartbeat. Seriously, i got no idea why i am so restless. Something is wrong, but i coouldnt diagnose what is wrong. There must be something wrong.

My head got this big bum. Painful and cute. The medicine ball hit my head, chest and chin several times, and it somehow make my day more painful than usual. =(

i won't remember anything else

but you.

disappear

Very slowly, i will take my steps out of the circle.

Step by step and i'll leave no trace.

delicate

On this particular cold night, i feel extremely exhausted.

I recalled your frail smile at the gym that day. You look fucking pale and your arms are freaking skinny. But your smile just look so comforting. Thats when i realised, how much i miss you. You know? Your smile is good enough to paint a smile on my stone face despite being tired from training. i got no idea why actually :)

No matter what situation you're in, how wasted you were, like you used to. i guess i can't do much but just stay by your side. like how we lingered outside timbre. Many things are left unspoken, but from far, you know i'm always there. I would prefer not to speak because sometimes i feel words are cheap. Many times people abused their words. And i seriously dislike that. Yeah, being quiet and thats me.

With that aside, MR500 and Macau is approaching. i need strength, i need support from whoever that i hoped. I'm tired but still going strong. I'll push hard with my heart and soul, until my last bit of energy disappear.

jess, you can do it.

YES, I CAN!

6hrs training later. WTF -gasp!-

once bitten, twice shy

I heard comforting sounds as well as silences.
safe, calm, stable.

At times, i found myself tucked at one corner and feel very much in my comfort zone. Not that i am reluctant to step out. Its just not the right time yet i guess? As long as my heart feels good, everything will be fine fine fine. Even if i don't, I'll be there for you somehow. Anytime, anywhere. Its undefined.

I would pretty hope that happiness trounce sadness half the time. i really hope. But do you know the sophisticated feeling happy and wary? get it? These two words doesn't sound right together tho. But i am sure you know "once bitten, twice shy"? and that phrase will probably stop me from moving forward.

viva forever

i remember both of us did something really stupid. With an expired bottle of hershey fudge. We walked around and happily fudge my neigbourhood's cars. Together with our fucking ugly blue skirt uniform. i can't remember how many windscreen we fudge-ed but yeah. You came into my life gracfully but you exit soon after we walked our seperate ways. yl. i miss you. i really missssss you. bah.


nobody can take your happiness away.

no no no no nobody.

are we ever gonna learn to fly?

i got no idea why my heartbeat beat so fast at this hour. weird.

zzzz

i thought it was easy to cross that stream.

but it wasn't.

you & me

lonng way down from here.
its best not to think about it.


530am rowing?

gah.

its like this.

when people run in circles, its a very very

mad world.

oh boy, not again.

details in the fabric

Someone told me something that i refuse to face it. And i guess, she is pretty accurate in some ways but my heart refuses to. Have you ever realise that you've been doing certain stupid silly stuff subconsciously? You are there for this apparent reason, but in actual fact you are not? You are there for other anonymous stupid reason. Is that what you mean by doing things subconsciously? or shld i say self-denial? "nonono i'm here because of this not that". bullshit.

oh wells. can't be bothered anyway.

macdonald breakfast with beyouna in a few more hours!! like we used to! can't wait :)
but its fucking earlyyyy can. i need sleeeppp.

bah.
meh~

oh why oh why

do you know? i feel so out of place. Many times i thought, why can't i just stay focus for a short moment? Then again, i got many many thousand thoughts needle-ing down to my brain. but guess, its just that i'm reluctant to pen it down? or rather i usually don't give a goddamn fuck about it. oh? did i mention i got this brillant auto filter brain?

And you happily treat that encouragement from me like crap. you said that. i will never forget. those words from your blardy mouth. i got no idea how shld i feel or shld i even feel anything?
i care. that is why i feel so out of mind. and come to think about it, at that point of time, you suck. seriously. i got this urge to stuff lots of grass into your mouth. i'll never ever fuck care about you anymore. oh goodgrief. why do i even bother to type this here. you don't deserve anything from me right from this particular storming night. butbut, you know i still care. whether you like it or not, please take care of your wrist. for godsake.

when i was on my way back. the lighting was horrible. i thought i could just stand in the rain and get strike. drenched and cold. i stood in the rain for a while and i thought: why? why? why?

why are we behaving like this?

oh wells. i need pills.

They

bah bah dum,
bah bah dum.

And I'm sorry so sorry
I'm sorry it's like this
I'm sorry so sorry
I'm sorry we do this

Do you see what I see
Why do we live like this
Is it because it's true
That ignorance is bliss

when i look out the window, this song just strike my head from nowhere.
and yes. the whole blardy afternoon i was listening to that song.


holy shit. when will this ever ever enddddd.

wait a minute. i don't like this.
irksome~

bah bah dum
bah bah dum


nabeh

uoy ssim I

hip hip!

i want to detach from this world for a while.

pretty please?

but hold on!

can i hold you along in my little heart ?

can i ?

:)

ties

it seems to me that maybe
it pretty much always means no
so don't tell me you might just let it go
and often times we're lazy
it seems to stand in my way
cause no one no not no one
likes to be let down

you know
i know.

7 colors

oh boy, don't look up.

the sky is falling.

untitled

fuck.

my poor car =(
i'm sorry.

sigh.

sullied

you said:

"You're in control."

open your eyes

the end.



I'm sure everything will end up alright

because i'm letting you go.

choleric

fuck off.

i had enough of your nonsense.

if you ever touch me again, i'll get a knife and stab you.

don't make me do this.

7am dream

i had a dream;

I'm ready now to fly from the highest swing

will you catch me if i fall?

door zero seven zero seven

when people run in circles, its a very very mad worldddddddddddddd

so when will i see your face again?

13

when are you gonna love yourself as much as i do?

so many words are left unspoken.

it's a heartache
reallyy.




is that all you can do to make yourself happy?

gray or blue

i watched you very closely i saw you look away

your eyes are either gray or blue

im never close enough to say

because i'm no where near your heart.

The End

so i guess

its hopeless already.
we just don't know what to do isn't it?


but why?


sigh.

ahppiness

happpiness

that is all i hope for right now.

and i seriously need to sleep. training at 8am.
but i just reached home from a friend's celebration.
sigh.

i really really hope there won't be 10+km rowing later.
pretty please?
it tortures my burd brain. very badly.
i feel i can't hold on anymore.

small eyes

oh, i am so tired.

in the arms of the angel

let me be empty

weightless and maybe

I'll find some peace tonight

may you find some comfort here.

rubbish

不在乎天长地久，只在乎成经拥有。

this is rubbish.
i hate this.

blank

i lost my polaroid camera and i'm very upset about it.

=(

5am black matt cube

sometimes i reallly hate being a insomniac

why?

was i out of my head?

tickets booked :)

but i really got no idea how i am suppose to survive with my low cold tolerance.

SIM lecture aircon is already freezing me like hell.

Life, oh life
Oh life, oh life
dooo dooo dooo~

blue track stain

after 1 month. finally found one pathetic silly resolution for the year?

47kg? ahhh nono. i think 50kggggggggggggggggggggggggggg first.
i'm going to runnnnnn until my shoe spoil.

yes. i shall work hard on that from this min onwards. (my hand is holding 1 ba kua now -''''''-)

feels great to hit the blue track again.
sadly to say my classes is on tues and thurs. meaning? can't train at kallang. =/
but but.
i feel soooo happy to step on the blue track again =)
the place where i developed my passion on running? ahh. i think so?
i love my shoe stain color. blue. happy blue track stain =)
i miss you


classes are boring.
drawing boxes on my notes.
tests are coming. gasp!

my bird brain is thinking about green tea ice cream now.
big sigh

i'm sorry

i saw you today.
and i didnt mean to ignore you.
my heart wanted to go forward...

just that i don't have the courage to look straight into your eyes.

dont ask me why. i dont know why.

Soulmate

We had this conversation

and i said : ''i don't want to try again''

strength.
i need you.

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

you're not easy to find.
Or maybe you're in disguise.

morning 5:19

oh? the clock shows

its morning 5:19am.

and i don't want to try again.

insignificant

do you remember?

you made this?

i held tight in my hand;

its really lovely.

little things like this
i cherish.

whatever makes you happy

please smile.

changed

pain.

isn't that how you grow as a person?

falling or flying?

i'm glad i have yous by my side.

i won't fall.

i'll try to fly.

jess, you're strong.

:)

mad world

And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very

Mad world
Mad world

failed

All i could remember, i nua-ed the whole day on my bed.

The best part of the day.
I ran EXTRA miles over at ECP, just to return a lost and found key. That handsome caucasian run super ultimate fast. the moment i pick up the key, he's gone? He is like 2meters tall? i feel sooo MINI. i screamed but my gay voice didnt help much. I guess he blasted his player. and noone is around to help me stop him.

my chicken leg is very tired.
my bird brain is mentally screwed.
been rowing 10kmsssss.
i failed to achieve my targets for the national trial test.
but anyway i think of leaving sooooonnn.
sigh.

bought a red lamp :)
but i forget to buy the bulbs -.-
poor lamp no light.

you

you know how lovely you are when you smile?

really lovely.

i choose to keep that perfect picture of you in my mind and never fade awayy.

mentally screwed

i am so tired of everything.

feel like giving up.

i know

One thing bad about dying hair is you have to maintain it. or else it will look like eeks. My hair is god damn in horrible shape and thick, like a housefly trapped inside becausee my hair is too thick? fly in and will never be out again? ahhhhh but i want it too growww. growww. enough of short hair jess. gonna wear cap or whatever to hide my hair properly. but its fucking hard to find a cap for my small little head. angry. maybe i shld try headband or something. let me show you how small is my head. you see you see?

i feel soo happy. because i've decided to stop burning. if you know what i mean. oh wells. at the same time, i'm thinking how to learn bike without letting my mother know. imagining myself on a vespa :) i hope its a good investment? so what if it is dangerous. heck la.

Look around, what is blur and what is clear.

Sometimes we forget who we got, who they are and who they are not. Sometimes we forget what we got and who we are and who we are not. Everybody got a chance to make it right someday. i remember telling someone that my heart will guide her home safely, i am not gonna give you up.

I've learnt to push my heart into my brain. and don't play silly old games

have you ever?

You know, i thought i saw you over at my house's busstop yesterday? with that usual retard face waving at me? i thought i really saw you, but you disappear when i start to run.

I realised, it's impossible to see you around ever again. It has been 1 1/2 years, i still wonder why you chose to end your life.

You were my bus kaki for 2 years. We never plan to meet but eventually we would just meet in the bus? I felt safe whenever i see you in the bus? because i know that i won't be late for class? we used to panic in the bus before exam? do you rememeber?

Ever since then, i bus alone to NP for 1 year? that was when i start using my MP3 player because you were not beside niaking at me?

i must be too tired from trainings. illusionssss.



its 4am in the moorning, your face appeared in my dream. I couldn't get back to my sleep.

but why? why must you leave?

stay

we row in pain,

cross the finishing line with a beautiful ending;

sweat taste bittersweet.

_|_

i am fucking angry.

i hate you
i hate you
i hate youuuuuuuuu.

i always ignore people that pissed me off.
but this time round i feel like throwing darts right into your EYEBALLSSSS.

Annnoyed
i type things like "meet you at coffee bin" to my friend.


one word.

ANGRY.
thats it.
i had enough.
BAH!

i feel like going home

I am veryyyyyy upset.

why me?

chasing starlight

ahhhh so glad to have the pain overcome-ed. anyway its really painful. -bitelip-

alright, i'm blardy hell tired from the consecutive two days of looonnng trainings. but i still can't sleepp well. oh wells, i woke up twice in the night, stared at the ceiling for no reason? so i decided to get up and fold paper craness. but den i think i need to sleep. crawled back to my bed, tuck myself into my undersized blanket. the next hour? my small eyes opened again. sighhh. as usual? stared at the ceiling for no reason again, but this time round i sang Muse - starlight, Dishwalla - Angels or devils. lol
nice. i like.

i just realised my hair is abit out-of-shape.

small eyes.

angels or devils

I've realised
Everything has changed
And fighting all the demons will take time

Are we ever gonna learn to fly?

break fweeeeee

I'm a new soul
Living in this strange world

Smile secretly.

giving myself a new year gift :)

for you.

As long as my heart is still awake

It will follow you into the dark.

All i hope is you to be happy

and smile.

If you ever lose you way,

i'll leave one on for you.

I care.

Always.

This very secret heart

Go out and share it

secret heart

i saw kids playing sparkle sticks.

Trying to create shooting stars.

It was quite scary looking at those sparkle sticks flying around.

i'm scared

but

beautiful.

its true

you're lovely.



:)

pills

We need lies to make it through the day.

We're not ok.

That's one thing i would never say to you.

imperfect

i was caught in a jam along my way home, feeling fucking tired and lost. It was a horrible congestion, the cars were not moving AT ALL. and so, as usual, i stoned for the whole hour.

you know the song The Story by Brandi Carlile? it makes me think and think and never stop thinking. my small raisin brain just couldn't stop running. please tell me how to look good at the mirror when í feel like a piece of fucking shit. you suck. really fuckup.

the driver beside was smoking, i stared at him burning his stick. the cigarette gets shorter as time ticks. It reminds me of life. every puff you take, it gets shorter. same goes to your life. it gets shorter too. so what does that mean? nothinggg. ahh crap. puff puff puff. keep puffing.

life is great, everything will be alright. it doesn't make any sense to me right now. life is a burden. life is selfish. it will never be a perfect symmetry. its moment like this that make me sit back and mull over non sensible things. "what am i doing here. why do i exist? please delete me off." i tried drawing a perfect box on my lecture notes or worse, on my exam answer scripts for the past three years. i'll never be able to draw a perfect box. :(

my memories are too many that i may build a cardboard house on a street corner and label ''let go''... i hate my heart and i would like to put my heart in that cardboard house. if you found it, please jolly well stab it. better still, burn that house.

at the same time, i wonder how the world will be if i'm blind. trying very hard to create illusion and colours. have my own version of rainbow. imagine how ''beautiful'' the world will be. i hate what i see right now.

sometimes i hope a car will just bang me down intentionally. run over me like a chef roll the pizza dough. i dont think i want to feel how it feels. but just do it please. someday we will die, so why not earlier? holy shit. this is ridiculous. what am i typing over here. rubbish. but then again, so what! Live your life as it is. and fuck care about how you're emotionally hurt.


bahhhh


You see the smile that's on my mouth
It's hiding the words that don't come out
And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed
They don't know my head is a mess
No, they don't know who I really am
And they don't know what
I've been through like you do
And I was made for you...

Just to stay in the corner of your heart.

cold

tortured myself for 42.195 km.

completed in 5hrs40mins.
holy shit.

gastric pain.
1234 training. zzz

GAH!

4321

I just don't know what to do

free fallin'

tangled colours

there ain't no reasons things are this way

i can't explain why we live this way

how to stop my heart beat.

dooms

result in 3 more days


get result, jump and die.

-silence-

here i am

i will be there time and time again

i promise you you'll never walk alone.

you know

things are not going to change.
and no longer needed anymore.

whatever else is of no bother

please move on.

and

let go.

cycling

finally, i'm smiling.

for some reason.

=)

i'll cherish you my friend.
Always.

heading out for supper. cycle!

whywhywhy

indo babe

Winning isn't everything.

i didn't find any happiness in it at all.

i don't know why, dont ask me why.

C hugged me, a very tight hug.

i could really feel her silent support.

first time ever. feels great.

but at the same time i feel like a shit.

strange but beautiful.

you're gone

Yesterday I got lost in the circus
Feeling like such a mess
Now I’m down I’m just hanging on the corner
I can’t help but reminisce

Colours seem to fade

lost

dream awake

for every time I came home screaming,

got sent away, with no warmth at all,

I had to dream awake..

fade from view

You cried;

because the fragile never fade.

At night i pray;

that your face will fade away.

once

falling slowly
eyes that know me
and i can't go back
wounds that take me
and erase me
and i'm painted black


i wish you could see me.
how often do you find the right person?


only once.

it's a heartache

It's a heartache, nothing but a heartache
Hits you when it's too late, hits you when you're down

It's a fools' game, nothing but a fool's game
Standing in the cold rain, feeling like a clown

you've got that look again. =/

i can't sleep!

if you leave

Now it's fading fast
But if you leave, don't look back
I'll be running the other way

never change

I hear a voice "You must learn to stand up for yourself

cause I can't always be around"

When you gonna love you as much as I do

someday....

I bought a ticket to the end of the rainbow

I watched the stars crash in the sea

If I could ask God just one question

why aren't you here with me tonight?

Someday we'll know

if love can move a mountain

Someday we'll know

why the sky is blue

Someday we'll know

why I wasn't meant for you

thisblackbox

i'm afraid of you.

You know, you know - no you don't, you don't

-hide-

aching in my heart

They are the people who helped me during my tough times.

I had a terrible October.

really awful.

Its time for me to handle my stuff on my own.

and stop bothering others.

i want to smile like i used to be.

but there's a shadow hanging over me.

i am very upset =(

i didn't expect that to happen.

why.

thank you

go away )=

Right now, i feel damn horible.

smell like a smelly pig.

this blardy virus attacked me for 2 blardy days. high fever.

and my exams is like 3 days away.

-bitenails-

dying.
help.

-gasp-


VERY DEPRESSSSSS.

)=

peanut brain

i'm not half the man i used to be.

i just don't know what to do.

i cherish you.

from far.

i still care.



no matter what.

poor kneekle

You are my sunshine

My only sunshine

You make me happy

When skies are grey

You never know dear

How much i love you

Please don't take my sunshine away.

Open up your heart and let the sunshine in.

D you're the reason why i smile today =)

please

STAB my heart

Wanna free fall out into nothin
Gonna leave this world for a while

i HATE my heart.

lawsoh

i couldn't sleep again.

i hate company law.

i ran macritchie reservoir again.
to make myself tired.
apparently, it doesnt seem to work on me.
run run run run
until the sunset. so scare! blardy hell dark.
-heart stopped-
but fun. =)
shall run again this wed.
lean lean lean!



my small raisin brain cannot absorp the law i'm reading.
-_-''
oh why law. law law law. why so lawsoh.

its like 4am now. sun is rising again.

colours shining through

rainbow reminds me of you.

i'm fucking stress

i feel like burning my books.

feel like banging people's car.

feel like tearing my nephew's dypers.

i want to knit something.

-pull hair-

helpppppp~

chooo chooo trainnn, cugging down the streets.

bought a one-way ticket to the bluesss-uess

nom nom nom

very randomly.
i thought of....

my childhood favourite toy was NINJA TURTLE.
instead of baby dolls or teddy bears.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle!

oh and i recalled.
wearing my mums high heels
kik kok kik kok
around the house
act like a lady boss/ police woman
talk and act to myself.

LOL

i used to hold my own concert in my bath room?
i'll use the shower head as the microphone?
sing and say stuff like.
''thank you everyone for attending my concert''
-____________-''
tried to dance. but the shower room was too smallllllll.


OMG

-bush-
BTH



i'm waiting for training at 2.

i keep releasing smelly farts.
must be yesterday's buffet dinner.
NOM NOM NOM.

i better fart everything out. before i head down for training.
i dont want my teammates to faint.
really damn smelly!?!?!?
KSL

i can't seem to get my butt glued to the chair and study.
but i'm able to glue my butt onto my comfort computer chair.
weird


-PI PIAK-

jess poon. wake up please.


i love john mayer!
waiting on the world to change.

world go spinning around

For the first time since september
i slept for more than 12 hours.
literally coma.


vertigo
everything was moving while i was standing still.
i couldn't walk straight.
for god sake, everything was spinning so badly.
it was so sudden.
reason: unknown.


still having a slight headache tho.
i think i have to relax myself.
too stress.

neh-mind.
i shall eat good food for dinner.

thanks phin.
thanks partner.
thanks vivien and melissa.

emotions catch

i couldn't sleep

and so...

i start browsing photos.

emotions.

i like.

(Kid's face and Lina's seducing action)

back then......

when we were young.

FOREVER YOUNG =)

I want to thank you for giving me the best moments of my life.

bang bang.

i hate crowds.

i would rather live in my own world.

where no one knows my name.

enjoy my own corner. lol

so private. i like.






my niece drew some weird stuff on my notes. -.-

NABEH!






i want a red sofa.
i want to dye my hair.

bittersweet

I had a beautiful september. thank you.

I don't want to lie. I can't tell the truth. So it's over

I was happier then with no mind-set

white flag

I've been secretly falling apart.
unseen

awfully glad to be unhappy.

i know i shouldn't still.

dark chocolate.

no one spoke at all

The tree-lined avenue
Begins to fade from view
Drowning past regrets
In tea and cigarettes
But I can’t seem to forget
When you came along

Ingénue

life in mono


i want a flat cap!
i love antique shops =)

if i could change the world

The excel shows for national tests:

0.9 * body weight - Bench Press ( meaning i have to carry 45.9kg)
12 - Pull ups ( my maximum was 15. and thats damn long time agoooooo)
2km - 7m30secs ( never hit that before)

tell me how now?


just for the bench press station, i can see MY BREAST DROPPPPPPPPPP right onto the floor already.


-.-

madness!
LOL

Please stop my heart beat.

Never betray the way you've always known it is.

torn

Saw this HUGE bra.

the joke:

Me: omg!?!?! look at the cup! damn HUGE!
Vivien: the cup is bigger den your face lor!

-.-

my small face. haha

and i'm stil very affected about the butch thing =/








There’s a million mouths to feed
And I’ve got everything i need
I’m breathing
And there’s a hurting thing inside
But I’ve got everything to hide
I'm grieving




Hey hey I saved the world today
Everybody’s happy now
The bad things gone away
And everybody’s happy now
The good thing’s here to stay
Please let it stay

This never happened before.

Within an hour, i will drift away to the other issue for a few times.
Its pretty annoying in a way, but i can't stop drifting.

Why are people soooo fickleeeeeeeee.
want or don't want.
just make up your blardy mind.

so drama. seriously.
Star search award for you.

jess poon.
why are you doing this.

maybe i shld learn to ignore.
like it never happened before.

-.-

Someone say i look like a BUTCH.

omg. this is so wrong. so wrong. sooooooooooo wronggggggggggggg.

alright. So traumatized by that.




=/

chop my brain

useless small raisin.

so disappointed. sigh

run run runnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!

beauty in you.

I had a nice talk over at my friend's place yesterday afternoon. i felt grateful to have her to talk to. or else i'll be at home depressinggggggggggg.
i thought we would have some age gap thing between us.
Eventually everything was just fine.

i've to be strong i guess.

i realised or rather all along i dislike accounting. and i can't see myself being an accountant. This friend of mine, who is also an accountant, told me : ''now or never''

oh wellll..

right now, i've to prepare all my exam materials and get my butt glued to the chair. Well, i'm doing something i dislike most. be it the course or the purpose. sigh.

I can't bring myself to tell my parents that i want to give a change or something. they will definetly kill me and pork chop me. =/
sighhhhhh

oh. they had finalise the Nteam coach. the RP coach. i guess i'll give it a try. But my current club is in a mess. everybody is like... grrrrr... i feel not motivated to carry on. so sad. i thought i would find something i lacked from np. it seems to be wrong. so weird.

omg. Nteam training on satudays is 3pm to 6pm!!!! sunday 8am to 11am!!!! WTH. so late! -faint-
so -.- ..... tues thurs too. clash with ntuc training. everything is in a mess now. they are trying to fix a time slot for ntuc. i guess i'll be having double sections againnnnn....damn pack and no life. sigh. maybe thats a good way to get myself tired and coma.

i just realised this wednesday is public holiday. lol. no training! but i still intend to train. i want my fitness back. i feel so blardy lousy these few days. really lousy. sigh.

i 've got to clear my lung. clear those bad stuff inside. clean clean. hopefully i can manage to get rid of those stuff. seriously. its bad. and i will.

the sun is going to rise soon.
better sleep.
good nights.

2 oceans meet.

i shld just train train, run run, get tired and sleep.

yes. i shall do that for this week.

baking.

alright.

it is so unusual for me to touch the oven again. since the day i left my secondary school.
this is ridiculous.... i dislike baking. but somehow i have the mood to do it yesterday. dont ask me why. i dont know why.

of course, with some help from viven la. i can't do it alone for nuts. It suppose to take about 15 mins. but i feel like i stared at the oven for veryyyyy longgggggg. -impatience-
tedious okkkkkkkk. haha. kidding.

Vivien saw all my abnormal jumping around movements -toi toi- , smiling like a kid. looking at the oven with -blink blink- eyes. oh gosh. can't imagine i actually did that. -faint-

sooo. the baking turn out well! lol. SUCCESS! she gave some to xiang xiang.

together with my new clear vision eye. the colours are really beautiful. =)

anyway. i feel like taking photos now. dun feel like wasting my sunday away.....shall think of a place. -shrugs-

clear

No need to hide no need to run

'Cause all the answers come one by one

-bitenails-

In 3 hours time. Specs will not be part of my life anymore.

YAY! spec free! spec free! -toi toi-

means i can sleep whenever and wherever!

omg. so excited but at the same time -bitenails-

sidenote:

Finished my semester, the blardy assignments are finally done!
my mind feel so much emptier.lol. my small raisin. -floating-
going to gear up for exam. but meanwhile. i'm going to enjoy and rest after my lasik.

and and and!!!

i was greeted by the storm in the morning. and i saw rainbow!
so nice. =)

=(

My mind drifted away for a moment.

My feet left the brake unconsciously.

and then my car kisssssed some one's car bumper.

that fellow is some RMIT lecturer.

how fortunate.

got to settle that fellow issue tomorrow.


-faint-


i should stop thinking. seriously. stop it.

broken

I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home

time after time

I had a bloody full dinner. Until my stomach can't take it.

Having headache now.
so i guess i'll be obedient tonight, turn in early today.
i hope and i want my pretty face back. =/

i need to settle one huge issue soon.
i can't drag any longer.
i can't believe i'm stress over this kind of issue. -faint-
Bothered by some stuff. for weeks.




If you fall I will catch you
I'll be waiting
Time after time



Please wait.

But what are you waiting for?
Anyway
The dust may just blow away
If you wait for a windy day
But you may find the chance has past you by






Coz you've got my heart in a headlock
You stopped the blood and make my head soft
And god knows
You've got me sewn

=/

stop thinking.

please let go.

sigh.

i can't.

move on.

surreal but nice.

i think i'm getting used to just have 2 hrs of sleep.


seriously. i think i'm having some sleeping problems.


hopefully not so serious? lol


I stayed up and watch
Notthing Hill
Alfie ( Jude Law!)
My Best's Friend's Wedding.

so happy. movie marathon.
maybe i'll DL somemore to watch tonight :)

you

If I had a box just for wishes
And dreams that would never come true,
The box would be empty except for the memory of how
They were answered by you.


I wouldn't want to hold a loaded gun.

=/

omg. i dreamt about my eye candy....................


sleeping in the SDBA bunk.................

LOL

so random.

-roll eyes-



you are
killing me softly